Wacky Weddings
Q: Do you honestly like to conduct weddings?
A: Despite the fact that the divorce rate is quite high - as anyone who has ever attempted matrimony in any form would rationally or otherwise expect - yes.
Q: Even wacky ones (such as the above king of the castle)?
A: Yes, as long I my clergy costume isn't stupid, no hand cuffs are involved, and I don't have to handle snakes. I don't mind wacky weddings because generally speaking the bride and groom are relaxed, having a good time, and hamming it up for the camera. Unless of course they are climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, walking on hot coals, or parachuting into L.A. on a smoggy day with paparazzi in dogged pursuit.
Note: I have no sense of direction. I'm chronically late, and I've been known to lose my car keys. I'm also scared of heights and I tend to get motion sick at the slightest provocation, incubation, or condemnation. But I promise not to vomit on the bride, although I cannot make such a guarantee for the groom. And I do charge extra for the following:
- dogs in the wedding party that bite
- excessive flatulence on the part of anyone in the immediate bridal party (you think I'm kidding, but this can be a real nuisance)
- any ex invited to the wedding who has a permit to carry a concealed weapon, or has the predilection to carry a concealed weapon without a permit or a formal invitation
- oh, and there is a surcharge for anyone who has already been married more than three times, unless of course you are a very famous celebrity not about to default on your mortgage who will produce my screenplay and make it a blockbuster with 116.78% of any money generated in any currency going to me
Labels: Serial Lollygagging
posted by iLollygag @
11:00 AM
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